


Just two soldiers.

by casecous



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Anal Sex, Canon Disabled Character, Frottage, I want these assholes to be happy but they can't be., M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Oral Sex, Peace Walker, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Content, The Phantom Pain, not vkaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-06
Updated: 2014-06-06
Packaged: 2018-02-03 16:56:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1751924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casecous/pseuds/casecous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It isn’t until now, over ten years later, that he wonders <i>who surrendered to whom?</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Just two soldiers.

**Author's Note:**

> There are a lot of time-jumps between Peace Walker canon/headcanon and MGSV headcanon/speculation. Feel free to tell/ask me if you don't understand! I'm hoping it's easy to follow.  
> A lot of this was fueled by Robin Atkin Downes saying, "Kaz is vulnerable."  
> This was written as TPP speculation, so not so canon compliant. BB is BB.

They’re lying in bed naked, with Snake’s face in line with Kaz’s stomach, a thin sheet draped over them.  Snake presses his lips to the scar on the side of Kaz’s thumb, again to the one on his chest. Snake’s mustache tickles and Kaz tries not to squirm, failing as Snake’s fingers trace one on his lower abdomen before lowering his lips to it. Snake laughs and continues his journey downward, pressing his lips (mustache) to a scar on Kaz’s inner thigh. “You’re beautiful,” he murmurs against it, making Kaz laugh against his will at the contact, and he is _going to kill him._

“I know.”

Snake rolls his eyes and tries to get out of the bed but Kaz really, really laughs this time and pulls him back down on top of him and kisses him and Snake smiles against his mouth.

\--

“Let me die honorably,” he spits out, his voice full of venom.

He’s been prepared for this moment since he joined the revolutionaries. His men are dead, there’s blood splattered on his face, he can taste the iron of it in his mouth. He’ll never surrender to this son of a bitch. He holds out a grenade, ready to pull the pin and then hands cover his own, rough with calluses, he wants to yell something, hopes he does, but he’s fading, and then there is black. 

\--

Familiar fingertips touch his cheek and it’s so easy to lean into the touch that he must be hallucinating.

“Kaz, it’s me. I’m here to get you out.”

He weighs consequences of talking to a hallucination and asks, “Snake?”

But then the hands are gone and his vision darkens from....his sunglasses? And he reaches out to place a hand on the hallucination’s face but it feels so real and it has to be real so he says the only thing that he can think of.

“What took you so long?”

Snake doesn't answer, just removes Kaz’s hand to kiss his palm and then shifts forward to press his lips against his. And _god,_ if this is what being a damsel is about, well at least there’s a payoff at the end.

\--

After their run on the beach in which Kaz wore a white t-shirt and short-shorts that were too-tight to not be deliberate, they settle into the sand sharing the different curries Kaz made and sipping on mate. The sun is setting low in the sky and they’re flushed thigh to thigh, shoulder to shoulder. Days off are few and far-between but they could get used to this.

Snake glances over at Kaz before instructing, “Close your eyes.”

“....Why?”

“I have an idea.”

“Snake.....”

“Kaazz, close your eyes.”

He finally shuts them, feels Snake leave and then opens his eyes a few seconds later when he hears him come back and stop. “No,” he says as soon as he sees it. “You’re not serious!”

“Kaz.” And he’s looking at him so expectantly, like the happiest boy in the world that Kaz wonders how MSF even exists with him as boss.

Kaz sighs. “Fine. Alright.”

It’s 40% laughter and 50% figuring out the mechanics, but Kaz is pretty bendy and Snake has a thing for boxes, so it all works out. And it is definitely worth the final 10%.

\--

“Close your eyes.”

Kaz glances warily up at him, but doesn't protest and just lets his eyelids fall.

“Do you trust me?”

There’s a beat of silence, but then, “Yes.”

“Keep your eyes closed, okay? Listen and stay with me,” he instructs. “Open your right hand, palm up.”

Kaz swallows visibly over the lump in his throat, but he complies. It’s been aching lately. Snake reaches out with his ungloved hand and begins to press his index finger to five points hovering slightly above the table. “I’m pressing my finger to each of yours,” he says softly and Kaz just nods, once, very slowly.

Kaz feels him draw a line from the tip of his middle finger to his wrist and he’s afraid his heart is going to beat out of his chest, but he keeps his eyes clenched shut because if he doesn't then it will be over and he wants so badly to-

“I’m interlacing my fingers with yours. Each of them touching, our palms touching. They fit together so-“

“Perfectly,” he whispers hoarsely. He feels Snake lift their joined hands to his lips, feels him press them against his knuckles, before setting his hand back on the table and letting go.

“My hand is wrapped around your wrist, and I’m squeezing it. Like I do when I lift your arms over your head.” Kaz breathes _in, out_ , unsteadily. Snake loosens his grip and begins to slowly run his hand up his arm, his thumb tracing a line on the inside. Kaz makes a strangled sound and squeezes his eyes shut tighter.

“Snake, it-,” he doesn't know, it’s been so long since he _felt_ , felt something tangible instead of a dull throbbing that never goes away, “it-“ hurts, burns, but it doesn't and he can’t remember how to describe the warmth of the sun, the feel of skin touching skin, not with this hand.

“Tell me what to do, Kaz. I’ll do it.”

Kaz feels him tracing the line back down his arm. He cries.

\--

They tell each other things. Little by little. Things they've never told anyone else before. Kaz wants to tell him ‘Don’t ever feel bad about it, you’re perfect.’  But he can’t make the words sound right. He doesn't ask for permission, just does. Leans over Snake, who watches him carefully, not saying anything, as Kaz lifts off his eye patch and gently kisses the place where an eye should be.  Snake squeezes his arm in response. They’re just two soldiers. Two soldiers in-

\--

“What was that all about?”

Both his wrists are pinned to the wall with only one hand and Kaz thinks, _man, how good it feels to be the one being pressed instead of the one doing the pressing_ like he does with all the women who will let him _._ The hallway is empty; no one is going to find them like this. Everyone is drunk in the mess hall and he can barely hear voices singing over the sound of his heart thumping heavily in his chest. The thought that any minute one of the men could stumble out of the mess and around the corner and find them is exhilarating for some reason. Not that it even matters, they haven’t been subtle before, but this is....This is.....

“Tell me, Kaz.”  Snake presses in closer like he wasn't close enough before and Kaz feigns ignorance but his heart gives him away like a fucking traitor. Snake lifts his other hand to grab Kaz’s throat and begins to draw a line across it with one finger. “The song.” 

He drops his hand to Kaz’s hip and his fingers begin to push up underneath the fabric of his shirt. A strangled sound escapes from Kaz’s throat and he manages to force out another denial, “I don’t know…” Snake’s fingers dance along his waistband making him grit his teeth, “what you’re talking about.”

It was stupid. And risky. He never should have done it. Because he had almost managed to make it through the entire song without making eye contact with Snake. He could have passed it off as simply being drunk and wanting to perform as Johnny Cash and everything would have stayed the same. Uncomplicated, just them having fun, it didn't need a description. But he hadn't made it through the song, and locking eyes with Snake for four seconds too long during ‘ _Because you’re mine, I walk the line’_ and _forgetting_ to grin cockily afterward at him because his fingers had stuttered on the chords at the eye contact, had been the dumbest shit he has ever done in his life, and he has done some dumb shit. So here they are. Snake pressed into him and torturing him for an answer that he doesn't even begin to know how to give.

Snake uses a leg to push Kaz’s knees apart, so Kaz is hard against his thigh and he guesses torture is the wrong word because this is the best kind of torture if he had to pick, but _goddamnit,_ it’s also the fucking worst. He wishes he _were_ drunk because then he might be able to give the answer Snake wants earlier and they can skip all this formality.

“It was _something,_ Kaz _.”_ His fingers begin to unbuckle Kaz’s belt, the clinking sound of the buckle is loud in his ears, and Kaz lets out a shaky breath he didn't realize he was holding as Snake moves on to unbutton his pants.

“You, _asshole,”_ Kaz breathes out. And then Snake is leaning in closer to Kaz, his beard scraping against Kaz’s jaw as he presses his lips to Kaz’s throat, mustache tickling his ear as he makes a low sound in Kaz’s ear. Kaz’s mind goes fuzzy as Snake’s fingers roam above the base of Kaz’s cock, in the crook of his leg, teasing. He tries to thrust his hips forward into Snake’s hand, but he’s prepared for it, not ready to give Kaz what he wants yet.

“Snake…“ Kaz murmurs and his tongue feels thick and heavy in his mouth. He wonders if Snake is as hard as he is, if maybe this is torture for him too. He would push his leg forward to find out, but Snake is a stone wall against him.

“Tell me,” Snake tries again and Kaz would laugh at how wrecked his voice sounds too if only Snake’s hand wasn't dancing circles around the place he’s throbbing and aching to be touched.

_“I.....”_

His hips thrust forward again as Snake’s fingers brush against his tip, but they fall away again to his leg and Kaz struggles against Snake’s grip making frustrated noises.

“Come on…”  Snake breathes heavily and Kaz’s eyes roll back slightly before closing them as Snake brushes his fingertips against his length and then dropping again. He can hardly think straight, his breath coming out in short puffs.

“I love you,” he manages, his voice quiet with the weight of his tongue and the ache in his pelvis, but not quite a whisper. And by the way Snake’s hand stutters, maybe that wasn't what he was expecting and Kaz is just fucking all kinds of things up tonight. He opens his eyes to assess the damage, fully aware of the now absence of Snake’s fingers and how hard he is still. Snake’s gaze on him is....soft, and not at all what he was expecting. Kaz shifts but doesn't break eye contact. He doesn't expect it back, he can’t. Not with how Snake talks about The Boss. And it’s okay because at least they have this. “Is that…” He trails off and tries again, “Does this-” But then Snake drops the hand holding his wrists to his jaw and presses his lips, dry and warm, to Kaz’s. Until Kaz touches his tongue against his bottom lip and Snake opens his mouth against his, their tongues intertwining heavily as Kaz moans into his mouth.

Snake doesn't say as word when he pulls away, doesn't say a word as he drops to his knees in front of Kaz and pulls his pants to his ankles, doesn't break eye contact.  Kaz bucks as Snake’s mouth closes around him, warm and wet. He steadies himself on the wall, it’s too much, and he’s so close because this is the most satisfying feeling in the world after enduring the ache to be touched. Snake hums around his dick and his tongue draws a circle around the head and Kaz tries to mumble some sort of warning before coming hard in Snake’s mouth. He shakes a little with the aftershocks and Snake stands back up to kiss him again, this time slow, lovingly. And they’re just words, he can’t expect them back, Kaz tells himself again, but his chest aches with it anyway.

\--

Kaz won’t look him in the eye as he sets him onto the toilet seat and helps him take off his shirt, like this is different from the other million times they've done this, whether scrambling to remove each other’s closes or patching each other up after missions that bruised them and left them with sore muscles. But it _is_ different, because he’s broken, and angry, and nothing can, nothing will ever be the same again. Snake starts the bath water and returns holding a warm, wet rag and a cold-compress, which he hands to Kaz.

Kaz looks at it for a moment before pressing it to his left eye. “I can do this myself,” he protests.  Still not meeting his eyes.

“Kaz, come on,” he says quietly, “Let me.” And he starts to gently rub the cloth against Kaz’s lower lip.

He winces as Snake’s fingers graze a bruise, one of the ugly purple-green ones, while helping him into the bathtub. And the water feels good but he can’t relax in it so he watches it slowly turn pink and gray and yellow. Snake washes his hair, fingers massaging deep into his scalp, and when he stops, Kaz’s heart starts to race with the thought of having to go under or of having water poured onto him, but he closes his eyes and focuses on the spots where Snake’s arms grip him, grounding him, keeping him from drowning.

He almost loses his footing while getting out; imagines falling under the water and never coming back up, but Snake is his support beam, the kind that doesn't mind if you get it wet while leaning against it to regain balance. Snake wraps him in a towel and sets him on the toilet again to lather his face in shaving cream and take a razor to his beard. When he finishes, Kaz watches him carefully as he leans down to kiss the area just above his swollen eye. He doesn't look in the mirror they pass as they walk out of the bathroom, or more like as Snake walks and he hobbles. He’s afraid that Snake will stay, and he’s afraid that he’ll go, but he’s relieved when he ends up sliding into bed next to him in. Snake takes his hand and kisses his knuckles reverently and Kaz breathes. Closes his eyes. It isn't until now, over ten years later, that he wonders _who surrendered to whom?_

\--

They've started recording the things they talk about at night because it seems important though they don’t know why. On the night Kaz tells Snake about himself, Snake shuts the recorder off and sets it aside before pulling Kaz against him and kissing him hungrily. _I love you,_ he wants to tell him but it seems so insufficient, and he doesn't know if he can, because the last time he loved someone he ended up broken, because Kaz makes him whole in the way he thought he’d never feel again, because they’re just words and he wants to give him so much more.

“Kaz…” he breathes into him like a benediction and Kaz makes soft noises into his mouth as they help each other out of their clothes until they’re naked and pressed against each other.  Snake feels like he’s falling in every direction as Kaz ruts up against him. Snake flips them over so he’s on top and he brushes Kaz’s hair out of his face while their dicks slide against each other, all friction and heat, and Kaz moans.

“God, Snake,” Kaz struggles out between breaths as Snake grabs them both in his hand. They find a rhythm against each other, sweaty and out of breath until movement gets more uncoordinated and Kaz stutters out “I’m…” and Snake follows him over as they both come on each other’s stomachs, groaning into each other’s mouths. Snake kisses him again, slow and sweet, and tries to quiet the words running around his head.

\--

 _We’ll be fine._  It’s a mantra they tell themselves to pretend that what they’re doing isn't ripping them both apart from the inside out. To ignore those nights of sleeping on opposite sides of the bed, where the space in the middle seems to grow infinitely and the silence threatens to choke them. _You’re a monster,_ Kaz thinks. _And I made you this way._

 _We’ll be fine._ They can’t admit that the words don’t mean anything anymore, not at this point. But sometimes, when Snake pulls Kaz in close and whispers those same words as he presses his fingers into him, as he strokes Kaz’s hair while thrusting slowly in and out until Kaz comes undone beneath him, they can’t explain why it almost feels true.

\--

“I love you, Kaz.”  His voice quiet, tired.

And Kaz wants to scream and scream at him until he sees red that it’s _nine fucking years too late_ , but it’s not worth it, it won’t change anything. When he speaks his voice cracks. “Let’s get out of here, Snake.” His hand is trembling on the table he’s sitting at. If he closes his eyes he can feel himself make a fist with the other one. “We could build a home on a beach. You know? Someplace warm, some place like MSF. Just you and me.”

Snake walks over slowly and Kaz looks up at him. He reaches his hand out to tuck a stray, blonde hair back into place. “We will,” he promises. “When this is all over.”

Kaz drops his face into Snake’s stomach and Snake wraps his hands around his head, feeling it shake as he starts to cry.

\--

There’s always a breaking point, always a threshold. They’re in too deep and Kaz is dry-heaving into a trash can. He wishes he knew the protocol for leaving. He wishes he could say I love you without it sounding pathetic. He wishes those words still meant something. He doesn't even know if he does anymore. Doesn't know if _he_ still does either.

_There's no such thing as an absolute enemy. Our enemies are always relative._

\--

They’re in bed, naked, and by all definitions, cuddling. Kaz is laughing and smiling so brightly that he looks like the sun and Snake tells him to shut up and quit moving so he can take the damn picture. It only makes Kaz laugh harder and Snake grumbles before holding the camera above them. He tries to give the camera a long-suffering look, but Kaz is shaking with laughter like a goddamn idiot beside him, so his mouth turns up at the corners as he snaps a picture.  

If they could just stay like this-

\--

Kaz’s words ring in Snake's head, _I was spawned by war, I don’t want to die in one…So as long as I stick with you, Boss…_

“Come with me,” Kaz pleads desperately. “It’s not too late, we could still-” but they can’t, they can’t, they can’t.


End file.
